A Harmless Prank
by Talipatra
Summary: Draco and Hermione are Head Boy and Girl and a slight prank war ensues.


I stepped out of the portrait hole in a hurry, not really paying attention to my surroundings. I'd overslept for the first time in ages and was running late. Damn Malfoy didn't wake me up. Ass. I hated him. Even more now that we were sharing a space.

Finding out he was Head Boy was just about the worst thing I could imagine. Finding out we were to share a small apartment, complete with our own bathroom _was_. Luckily, I had a good locking charm in my arsenal so I could keep Malfoy out of my things, not that I thought he'd snoop, but you never knew. I'd also figured out how to silence all noises from his extracurricular activities that seemed to carry on all night. I never saw any poor girls in the mornings or evenings, so I had no idea how he was getting them in and out, but I didn't really care.

Sharing with him wasn't that bad, actually, other than the girls. He was generally quiet and studious, keeping to himself and keeping his mess out of our common room. It was bizarre to realize that he could actually be somewhat considerate. I didn't trust him though and wondered if he was up to something.

I was halfway to the stairs when I realized something was different. I looked around quickly and discreetly slid a hand up and down my leg from waist all the way down to as far as my arm would reach without me bending. Something was definitely missing.

I clicked my tongue in frustration and ran back to the portrait and muttered the password before slipping inside. I lifted my skirt and gasped. My knickers were gone. I remembered putting them on when I got out of my bath but somewhere they'd disappeared. I looked around the small common room but didn't see them. I didn't have time to think too much about it, I was late and of course it would be Snape.

I grabbed another pair out of my drawer and pulled them on quickly over my shoes, straightening my skirt before running out the door and down the hall.

When I hit the stairs, I realized again that my knickers were gone.

"What the bloody hell?" I grumbled bewilderedly as I ran, holding my skirt down with my hands as I went. I slid into the classroom, glad for once that Harry and Ron insisted on sitting in the back.

They eyed me curiously but I shot them looks that said I didn't want to discuss it, pulling out my supplies quickly. Snape wasn't in the room, thankfully, but everyone else was chatting quietly.

"Everything ok?" asked Harry in a low voice.

"Its fine," I said shortly, suddenly catching Malfoy's eye across the room. He had that damned infuriating smirk on his face, essentially confessing that he knew exactly what was going on. I was so going to get him back for this.

***

"What did you do?" I demanded, stomping into the common room after classes that afternoon.

Malfoy looked up lazily from his book. He was stretched out on the couch, a fire roaring in the fireplace nearby. Damn it he was good looking. It made me hate him even more.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, a hint of that damn smirk on his face.

I narrowed my eyes and advanced on him. "You know damn well what I'm talking about. What. Did. You. DO?"

He chuckled and swung his legs around, putting the book down beside him and standing up, hands in his pockets.

"It's a harmless prank, Granger. You don't like that free and easy feeling?"

"Fix it."

"Not likely."

"Pervert."

"Prude. Actually," he reached into his pocket and pulled out the red silk knickers I'd been wearing first "not a prude. Have Potty or Weasel seen these?"

I snatched them back and scowled at him. "And the others?"

He grinned and pulled out the other pair, a white lace set. "Who knew you had such fancy knickers, Granger?"

"Just because I'm studious doesn't mean I don't like pretty lingerie," I grumbled, pushing past him and heading to my room. I slammed the door behind me and cast the locking and silencing charm, effectively cutting off his guffaws.

The next day, it happened again. I had a back up pair in my book bag and I left with enough time to change but when I got to the girls bathroom, they were gone too. Apparently, all knickers on my person disappeared when I exited, even if they were simply in my bag. I scowled and made a mental note to ask Ginny to bring me a pair tomorrow. Malfoy smirked again in Potions, patting a small bulge in his pocket. Damn him.

"Ginny," I muttered at lunch, "I have a rather odd favor to ask."

She raised an auburn eyebrow at me. "I'm listening."

"Can I borrow a pair of knickers?"

She stared at me for a beat. "Sure." She turned back to her food.

"You don't want to know why?"

"Of course I do, but I figure it has something to do with Malfoy so you'll tell me later."

I rolled her eyes. Sometimes I forgot how perceptive she was. Harry and Ron were men and so completely dense to most things around them, but Ginny always picked up on everything.

We ate quickly before heading out for our Herbology lesson. I shivered as a blast of cold air went up my robes and skirt. I only managed to catch my skirt at the last second and keep it down. I could just imagine THAT story all over school, Hermione Granger, brain of the Golden Trio caught going commando.

I really REALLY hated Draco fucking Malfoy.

***

Ginny was laughing so hard she was gasping for breath. "He set up some kind of ward that steals your knickers?"

I frowned at her, annoyed. "Yes. Until I figure out a way to undo it, I'll need to borrow some from you."

She nodded and wiped away a couple of tears. "Well, I must say, it's definitely easier access without them."

"Ginny," I laughed, shocked.

She shrugged and stretched across my bed. "You have a nice room. Must be nice to have it all to yourself."

I nodded. "It is, though I miss the late night talks."

"So come have a slumber party with us. I promise to let you wear some knickers."

I hit her with a pillow and checked my watch. It was close to curfew so I sent Ginny off and prepared for bed.

I settled into the couch with a book and a cup of tea for some studying and gradually drifted off to sleep. When I woke up, Malfoy was carrying me to my room. I started and pushed away from him, causing him to drop me and fall himself.

"Bloody hell, Granger," he swore, pushing himself up. "I was trying to be nice."

"Since when are you ever nice?" I spat back, patting myself down to make sure I wasn't missing anymore articles of clothing.

"It's bound to happen once in a while," he glared at me. "You looked uncomfortable on that couch and having fallen asleep there myself, I know you wake up with an awful crick in your neck." He scowled at me. "Just because I'm me doesn't mean I have to be an ass all the time. Some people find me quite pleasant."

"That's before you open your mouth," I grumbled, slamming my door behind me. I got such satisfaction out of it I opened it and slammed it again.

I met Ginny the next morning in the bathrooms near the Great Hall. She snickered as she stood outside with our bags while I locked myself in a stall and pulled on the knickers Ginny had graciously loaned me. Luckily we were the same size, though they definitely weren't my style. I hated thongs.

I stepped out and smiled. "Thanks."

"No problem," she grinned, handing me my bag.

We set out for breakfast and as soon as I stepped out the door I felt that familiar tiny tug and then the "free and easy" feeling.

"Oh come on," I shouted, stamping my foot like a petulant child.

Ginny raised an eyebrow at me. I scowled and stomped into Great Hall, shooting murderous looks at Malfoy across the hall. Ginny giggled as she slid into her seat next to me. "They're gone, too?" she asked.

I scowled at her and angrily bit into my toast. "We've got to figure out how to get him for this."

"Get who for what?"

I groaned. Ron would take this moment to finally stop shoving his face and listen to the world around him. Ginny grinned and leaned forward.

"Hermione's in a bit of a…predicament with Malfoy."

I elbowed her and gave her a look.

Ron's face darkened. "Is he hurting you?"

"No, Ron, he's annoying me. Really, I can handle this. No need to bring him in on it." I glared at Ginny again but she was ignoring me now.

"Malfoy's set up some kind of ward or charm so that Hermione's knickers disappear the moment she steps out the portrait hole and reappear in his pocket."

Ron's face went blank and he turned to stare at me, his food forgotten. "You mean you're…not wearing any knickers? Right now?" he whispered, his voice squeaking slightly as his eyes involuntarily flicked down to my lap.

I shifted and tugged on my skirt, even though I knew I was completely covered. "Not at the moment, no," I grimaced.

He sat back. "Bloody hell. I've got to learn that spell."

I threw my toast at him and he caught it, taking a bite and grinning at me.

"So can I help?"

"You have any ideas on how to fix that spell?" I asked with a sigh, picking up my fork and starting to eat.

He shook his head. "If you can't figure it out, why would you even ask me? Maybe we can find a way to convince him to drop it on his own."

I tapped my chin with my fork thoughtfully. "Have you got an idea?"

He flushed slightly and nodded, dropping his gaze. "Might have."

***

We set our plan into action the next morning. I waited until after Malfoy left and then let Ron and Ginny and now Harry into the common room and took the package back into my room to pull it on. I grinned when I came out and we all set off through the portrait hole together. I felt the tug and the bareness and grinned.

"It worked."

Harry shook his head, but didn't try to hide his smile. "Malfoy may be a right arse, but he's bloody brilliant."

Ginny pinched him on the arm lightly as she linked up with him. "If you ever wanted me to go around without knickers, I'd do it." She grinned up at him mischievously.

"Ginny," Ron grunted, disgusted.

I laughed and linked arms with him as we headed to our classes.

Malfoy was sitting at his usual seat, scowling at the table top. When we entered the room, he turned and his eyes narrowed at me. I smiled innocently and settled into my seat between Ron and Harry.

I was prepared for him when he came into the common room that evening and threw the pair of boxers with Ron's name sewn in them at me. I caught them and smiled.

"Thanks, I've been missing these." I tucked them beside me on the couch and picked my book up.

"You want to play dirty Granger, fine, we'll play dirty."

He scowled and flicked his wand at the door, muttering under his breath. He then stalked off to his room.

"Oh come on," I yelled after him with a laugh. "It's just a harmless prank."

The next morning I stood apprehensively in front of the portrait hole. I was wearing knickers, but they weren't my favorite pair. Those were tucked away and I wondered if I'd ever get to wear underwear again. I was afraid what would start disappearing if I just quit all together. I took a deep breath and stepped through.

There was the tug and the absence, but then something else. I put out a palm and braced myself against the stone wall as invisible fingers toyed with my now naked lady bits. I gasped as the fingers found that one special place and gave it a twitch before disappearing.

"It's on now, Malfoy," I growled.

His face, of course, was smug when I entered our room that evening. The phantom fingers had attacked me a few other times during the day, always at inopportune moments. One had been in the middle of a quiz in Transfiguration and I'd groaned loudly. Luckily, Professor McGonegal just thought I wasn't prepared. There was no way in hell I was telling Harry, Ron, or Ginny about this new development.

I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him as he lounged on the couch once again. "Why are you doing this?"

He shrugged and smiled a real smile for the first time ever. "Because I can. It's entertaining to see you squirming, that little stunt with Weasel's underwear notwithstanding."

"What do you want from me to make it stop?" I was getting tired of this already. It was snowing outside and I was not looking forward to traipsing around in the snow with no knickers.

He studied me for a long moment. There was clearly something on his mind, something he wanted but didn't want to name. He opened his mouth at one point, then changed his mind and closed it.

"There's nothing you have that I want."

I studied him for a moment. "Nothing?"

"Absolutely nothing. I've already proved that I can get anything of yours." He grinned and flicked his wand lightly, a slight breeze ruffling the hem of my skirt. I pondered that for a moment.

"I'll figure this out, Malfoy. You're not nearly as devious and secretive as you think you are." I turned for my room and the phantom fingers caught up to me just as I got to the door. I grabbed the door frame and grimaced. No way was I going to let Malfoy know that I got even an iota of pleasure out of this. It really wasn't the worst part of the whole thing, just the timing of it was rotten.

"I've been thinking," began Harry at breakfast the next day.

I raised my eyebrows. "That's typically my job."

He rolled his eyes. "I'm trying to help you. Do you want my help or not."

I sighed. "What have you been thinking?"

He leaned forward and grinned. "I don't know how, but do you think you could maybe alter the charm a bit?"

"Like how?"

He grinned, his green eyes sparkling wickedly. "What's the worst thing that could happen to Malfoy in regards to your knickers?"

I stared at him for a beat before understanding. I laughed and turned to Malfoy. Today Slytherin was playing Gryffindor in quidditch. It was perfect. He actually looked a little unnerved by my triumphant smile.

I turned back to the table. Ron looked completely lost. "Let's do it."

***

Ginny and I settled ourselves in the stands, wrapped up in cloaks and a small warming cocoon as we watched the players fly. We'd come late to ensure that Malfoy would be in the air when we stepped out the portrait hole. He was squirming slightly on his broom and his eyes were flicking over the crowds, most likely searching for me.

We made eye contact and I smiled innocently. His face darkened, something I could see even from this distance and he started towards us when Harry went into a dive. His mouth moved and I knew he was swearing as he chased Harry, but it was too late: Harry had caught the snitch and the game was over, Gryffindor winning again.

We were on our way back up to the Gryffindor common room for a celebration when Malfoy grabbed my arm and pulled me to the side.

"What the bloody hell did you do?" he hissed.

I smiled innocently at him. "I didn't want my knickers flying out of your pocket as you flew around the field, so I amended your spell a tad. How's that thong fit, anyway?"

His face was actually red with emotion. I grinned and sashayed up the hill. I had a feeling there was more to this than he was letting on, more than just a prank, but I wasn't quite sure what. Yet.

Ron was draped across an armchair, grinning triumphantly and reliving the best moments of the game as though we hadn't all been there. He caught my eye and raised an eyebrow. I winked at him and he grinned and nudged Harry with his foot. Harry caught my eye and grinned, too, letting out a whoop of celebration that everyone else echoed. There was more than one victory for Gryffindor this afternoon, though my personal one was much smaller and I was a little afraid of what Malfoy would do next.

I stayed in the common room late, finally dragging myself back to my room after midnight, exhausted and beyond full on all the sweets some of the other Seventh Years had smuggled up from the kitchens.

I pushed open the portrait and froze. Malfoy was asleep on the couch, wearing a pair of black slacks and a loose white sweater, his feet bare. I started towards him cautiously, not wanting to wake him.

Asleep, he really wasn't so bad. His face was relaxed and was, if possible, more handsome than when he was awake and constantly contorting it with smirks and sneers. His fine blond hair hung in his face and his long hands were graceful in the way they draped over his side and hung over the edge of the couch.

I started towards my room, then paused. He'd tried to take me to my room when I'd fallen asleep, citing the stiff neck. Was I going to let him get one out of spite? I wasn't like that normally. We had to work together after all, and we'd managed to be somewhat friendly for that purpose. That is until the whole business with my knickers.

I sighed and stepped towards him. I reached out and touched his shoulder lightly. "Malfoy." He didn't move. He was breathing deeply and I wasn't sure anything would wake him up other than a sharp rap on the head.

I grabbed his shoulders in my hands and shook him lightly.

"Malfoy, wake up."

Still nothing. I clicked my tongue in annoyance. I debated conjuring some cold water but that didn't seem to be a very Gryffindor thing to do. More like a Slytherin.

I sat on an armchair and studied him, thinking over my predicaments. He didn't want anything from me in order to stop the knickers' stealing. Only reason I could come up for why a boy would steal a girl's knickers was pretty distasteful and I seriously doubted Malfoy would stoop that low, especially when he had a veritable harem of girls to choose from at any moment.

Why he had a harem, I didn't get. Sure, he was good looking, but could he really be all that great? A lot of times, the girls sounded more like they were in pain than experiencing mind shattering pleasure, but maybe that was just me. I leaned forward and studied his mouth. I'd heard more than one discussion on Malfoy's lips and how soft they were and how wonderful he was to kiss. I wondered…

I stood up and quietly crossed the room, kneeling beside the couch, close to him. His one hand barely grazed my leg as I leaned forward, bracing myself on either side of him. I lightly moistened my lips and leaned closer, pressing them against his.

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, he moaned softly and his arms wrapped around me, pulling me closer to him. I panicked a little and started to pull back, but his arms tightened and his lips parted.

I groaned softly, immediately getting it. Malfoy was a bloody great kisser. Even half asleep.

Slowly his eyes opened and he stared at me. I waited for the shoving and cursing and name calling but nothing happened. He quietly released me and sat up, running his fingers through his hair.

"Truce, Granger?" he said softly.

I nodded, numb and completely unsure as to what had just happened. He nodded and stood up, disappearing into his room, shutting the door with a quiet click.

I sat in the common room for hours after, going over everything in my head. Fuck all, Malfoy fancied me. I wasn't sure how to handle that. I knew how he'd handle it. I smiled tiredly, a small idea niggling in the back of my mind.

I stood up and quietly walked into my room and pulled out my favorite knickers, the black with the white lace tops and carried them back into the common room. I stood for a long moment before hanging them on Draco's doorknob.

The next morning when I woke up, I opened the door and something rustled to the floor. I picked it up with a frown and then smiled. It was a pair of black silk boxers with golden snitches on it. It had been hanging on my doorknob.


End file.
